I N T H E N I G H T K I T C H E N 5.23.2002
Can't talk, worrying. We got photos developed to fill in the placeholder but I don't know when I'll get to it. We also got another roll developed from a backpacking trip we did two weekends ago along the Estacada (Es-ca-ta-da [inside joke]) River which was really a glorious spot. There's only one or two pics from there that I'd put here but I don't know when I'll get around to scanning these. I'm nearing completion of the client's site. As always, there are misgivings and missteps and whatnot at the end of a project (especially one that was supposed to finish over a month ago) but I'll be glad to bundle this up and send it out into the world (even though after weeks spent with this design I have naturally grown to loathe it and find it trite and uninspiring though partly due to client changes, naturally). I have decided what I want to be when I grow up: an interior architect furniture-maker product designer philanthropist. I'll be sending out resumes shortly. I also have a big secret project that I'm not telling anyone about (except T.) because I'm sick of getting excited about things and hoping for things and telling people about them because I want them to think bright, happy thoughts about me and then having them not come to fruition. I'm regretting telling anyone about my architecture aspirations because I'm feeling a crisis of confidence and wishing that I had only myself to disappoint at this juncture. So, if the big secret project happens and I am pleased with it, you'll hear all about it in December... if I'm still writing. I may try to keep an ongoing, offline journal of the process to publish later because I like keeping a record. And, sadly, this journal is now most likely entering a period of neglect. There's just too many other things I need to do and this journal just isn't the happy diversion it used to be. I don't know if I can keep an offline journal or if I can keep my hands off this one. I write in it for myself and for an audience. Since I've gone "secret" the audience for this journal is quite small but I do appreciate it and it's the only thing that keeps me coming back. Even though I love being able to go back and re-read and reflect and marvel at how time flies and how much can happen in one life, I need to do more and do it away from the computer. I've been weening myself and it's been wonderful. I don't consider the journal a waste of my time but too much time is wasted in front of this machine. I spend that time frivolously. If I can find a balance, I'll do it. We'll see. 
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