I N T H E N I G H T K I T C H E N 4.6.2001
So, Ya' Know... Thanks. Thanks to those of you who wrote to commiserate and offer your thoughts on the previous entry. I really appreciate it. It's nice to get some perspective and it made me feel a little less lonely. A friend of mine suggested I get a job. Which is, of course, what I should do. So, I emailed another friend of mine about working in a local pub here. I hope she gets back to me soon. I need to get out of my house and get away from the web and the goddamn computer. I need a non-thinking job that enables me to drink free beer. I'm so sick of my computer. The second drawing class was really fun. I don't think I have much in common with my classmates, especially the young ones. I heard people talkin' some real stupid stuff. Ah well. It was funny but in a rueful sort of way. The class exercise is the classic one in which you draw the outlines of an object without looking at your paper or picking up your pencil. First we drew a balled-up piece of paper then we drew a skeleton model that was set up in the center of the room. Back in high school when we did this exercise I got pretty good at it. Then we drew the skeleton as you normally would but still staying with the outline of the figure but looking back and forth from your paper to the figure and concentrating on proportion. It was nice to just be quiet and concentrate and flex my mind. The actual subject, the skeleton, kind of bored me, though. Pretty soon I started drawing the skeleton attacking the teacher. I had him squeeze the teachers eyeballs in his skeletal hands while his bony foot braced the teachers head against the ground at his neck. Just kidding. Just a little crazy, goin-to-community-college humor. *ahem* + + + Me and my "arty" glasses sitting in traffic.  4.4.2001
Kind of Worried but Mostly Giddy Today is my second drawing class. I'm taking it through one of the local community colleges. I was giddy heading to the first one at the prospect of being in a classroom without computers. I mean, not one single computer -- what if I want to scan my drawing and then animate it with flash and, and, and....? Of course, I ended up being late. I got surprised by the complexity of the campus. I don't think I've ever been to a community college campus and I expected it to be like one low, ugly, squat, former kindergarten of a building. There were several buildings and a theatre and library that looked very modern. There was a student union building with a little cafeteria and some lounges. Giddy. But, I was late and I think I discovered the single worst thing that can happen when you are late to a class. You would think that the worst thing would be the professor making fun of you or making a lot of noise and interrupting a lecture. No, the worst thing has to be walking into a classroom and finding an entire circle of people looking at you expectantly for a moment and then returning to picking at their shoelaces or whatever and not... saying... a word. No one is talking. No one is doing anything. I leaned against the wall next to the door and scanned for some focal point -- clearly there must be a teacher or some indicator of what is happening here -- nothing. After about three silent minutes, I leaned to the girl on my left and whispered, "Is this the drawing class?" She whispered back, "Yes." I returned with, "What is going on?" Thankfully, she laughed and said that there was a mix-up with the registration and that the teacher had gone to check it out. Those had to have been my most Twilight-Zonish three minutes in a long time. Once everything got straightened out the class was good. The teacher seemed nice. This is the first step to going back to school. I need two drawing intro classes and then I can get right into the graphic design program at PSU. I haven't seen the summer schedule yet for the school so I'm just guessing and hoping that the second drawing class is available in the summer. But, today, I need to head to the art store and get some papers and charcoal and pencils and some other odds and ends. Again with the giddy. Nothing like art supplies to make you want to jump up and down like a little kid. I haven't taken a drawing class in years and years. I used to be pretty good at it and I actually have some pencil drawings I did in college that surprised me. I'm a slow drawer, though. If I try to "whip up" something it never works. I have to concentrate and study. This is okay with me. Although, I should admit here that this wasn't okay with me earlier this week. Two nights ago I kept T. up with my worrying. I'm a worrier. I don't know why but I am. Although, it wasn't just the worrying it was the sense of failure that I feel lately. There is still fallout from the layoff on my psyche. I was doing what I had dreamed of doing. I had finally reached the point that I had strived to reach and I just wanted to stay there and work through it. And, it didn't happen. It got taken away but it really feels like a failure. I failed. However, if that was the only thing going on, it wouldn't be so bad. The worst of all of this -- the layoff -- is that I think we're going to lose this apartment. I love this place so much. And, we keep talking about finding a new place but I just can't picture it. I don't want to be anywhere else. I want to stay here. This is perfect for us. The perfect size. The perfect surroundings. The vibe in this apartment is so peaceful and bright. I'm already hating the next apartment. I don't want to move. So, there's other things, naturally, but these are the big ones. But... I'm going to school. Yea me! + + + Your moment of Zen. I keep meaning to post stuff about the Japanese Garden that T. and I went to a couple weeks ago but I'm never going to get around to it. I did want to share with you these pictures of one of the garden's main attractions -- this amazing tree. Pictures don't do it justice at all.   It was so fragrant and so overwhelmingly beautiful. I think if I could take an afternoon and sleep under that tree that I could die a happy person. I have had dreams about that tree. And to think it only looks like that for a few short weeks each year. + + + One last thing, it takes a very special person to endure a grumpy, grumpy, not-a-morning person's grumpiness and then make them some waffles. I felt better after the waffles. Thanks, sweetie. 
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