7.18.98

    What a week! I am so exhausted. My "trial" period at SOMA is over and now they get to decide if they want to keep me. I'm thinking, unfortunately, that they don't. This is okay, though. Working there would be the most amazing experience and I would learn so much but it has really honed in on my insecurities.

    I really have issues with failure. I don't like it. Not that there's anyone I know who craves failure. It is really hard for me to define failure, though, especially now. I'm really trying to find myself right now which is really scary. T. thinks that I need to define broader and more concrete goals beyond "to be happy." All I know is that I want to do something creative that I love and live well enough to travel. I'm just not sure how I'm going to get that.

    The apartment is a sty. We were gone all last week housesitting with Spike the Humping Dog (more on this later). Then I got this "job" and I just haven't been up able to get up to speed. There are dirty dishes piled up in the sink and clean ones piled up in the drainer. There are dirty clothes all over the floor and clean ones in the laundry baskets. There are beer bottles everywhere as if the apartment suddenly turned into a fraternity. And, there is wedding invitation paraphernalia covering every other surface. This is bad. This is really bad and it's going to be cleaned up today!

    T. and I did not, once again, make it to The Derby for any swing classes. We got there at around 7:15 and waited in line. These classes are really popular and seem more so lately since the L.A. Times did a feature on The Derby. To make a short story long the class filled up before we could get in the door. So, we went to see Mulan.

    Mulan wasn't too bad but it was lacking in a few significant ways. First of all the number of people in Mulan's army was wildly inconsistent. Also, I was disappointed that there was no real fighting. There's a great scene where the huns come spilling over this snowy ridge and descend like a tidal wave on the Chinese army and Mulan. They must have used computers for that because it really was breathtaking and looked almost "real." I was getting all geared up for a Disney battle. No such luck. Through the creative genius of Mulan the army is saved with very little gore. Except the army really wasn't saved because suddenly there were only five people left over.

    The characters surrounding Mulan were really shallow. The emperor was a kind, gentle, quirky man and the huns were pure evil. There was no discussion of the whys and wherefores. The beginning should have been tightened up in favor of a deeper and more emotional climax. Lastly, the sidekick characters are becoming a bit cliche in these Disney Toons. Mulan had three sidekicks: her horse, a small dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy who was sent to guard her, and a lucky cricket. The dragon was very funny and the cricket was loveable. Unfortunately, these characters steal the show. Why can't they just be the main characters? Why can't Disney make a cartoon anymore whose main character is as loveable and interesting as the peripheral characters?

    To be fair, T. and I pretty much enjoyed Mulan. It's really nice to see a female character playing such a strong and defined woman. While she does meet "the guy" she doesn't fall head over heels for him. He doesn't save her -- she saves him. It was a nice change.

    I have made headway in cleaning up the sty. I slept in really late today. Actually, my favorite thing to do on weekends is to get up around 8 and have breakfast and check my email and maybe do a little writing then go back to bed. That's what I did this morning. T. went out golfing very early so I indulged myself. Then, when I finally dragged myself out of bed, I sorted the laundry. Then tossed the beer bottles. Then washed the dishes. Then the kitchen sink, counter, coffee pot, microwave and oven. I will also clean the fridge inside and out this weekend and mop the floor. Things are already looking better. I'm hoping that if I take care of the kitchen then T. will do the bathroom. I hate cleaning the bathroom.

    I know the dog humping comment above intrigued you. Okay, maybe it didn't but I'm going to tell you anyway. One of the things we discovered the first day of housesitting was that Spike had a friend. Specifically, Spike had a very large, male, energetic Dalmatian friend with a tail like a baseball bat. The Dalmatian, named Rio, would jump over the fence and "play" with Spike. Rio would also try to come in the house and would jump on us if we were in the yard and would bark at us and beg for food -- the nerve of the neighbor's dog! Their best trick was to perform sex acts on each other and fight. Every chance they got. It really got to be a little disturbing. The upside of this was that Spike harbored no romantic feelings for our legs.