1.13.00

    Got the apartment to myself for a few hours tonight. T. is playing basketball with his coworkers. He seemed incredibly stressed about it this week. I think he's got a competitive streak a mile wide that has been, by and large, dormant since his high-school swim days. I find it a little strange. I can't really relate with it. I can be competitive but in a different way, I suppose.

    I was tempted to treat myself to dinner out alone. Every now and then it's good to do, to people watch and be waited on. I can't take that random alone-time when T. is available. I guess I feel that it would be rude. It is rude. Anyway, some other time.

    For dinner, instead, I heated up some pizza. I ate my pizza sans media or other distraction. I kept the radio off, did not thumb through a magazine or catalog, did not even boot up the computer to hum in the background, waiting. It was weird. Just me and my thoughts. Eating. Single-tasking. It would have been quiet if the cat hadn't been circling me yowling and carrying on.

    Now, I'm listening to "Fresh Air" on NPR.

    It guess I'm not immune from turning into my parents. Since when did I get so interested in the News? I listen to NPR news in the morning and at night. I can't stand the local station news, though. The inanities that run rampant through each and every "newscast" drive me up a wall. I can remember, as a teen, getting shushed left and right for interrupting the News. "The News is on — so KNOCK IT OFF!" I couldn't understand how anyone could be so interested.

    I listen to the news and shush the cat.

    The other thing I've noticed is that I have less of an interest in sweets. As a kid, I would crave Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, SweeTarts and any other thing to rot my teeth. I didn't understand how my parents could stand to go a day without a Ding-Dong. I remember my mom telling me in the grocery store that she just didn't like sweets. And now, while I still have the occasional craving, I don't care for sweets that much.

    I heard a really interesting quote the other night (probably on NPR) but I can't remember from who. It may have been Charles Shultz. The interviewer was asking about something related to age and the interviewee said something along the lines of, "I don't feel old at all. I'm surprised when I look in the mirror. I felt old when I was 25 but not now."

    That really struck me. I feel old. I'm 24. I feel like things are slipping away and out of my control. Is it because I'm closer to my "youth"? As you get older, do you forget? Will I feel more fulfilled and less restless as I get older? Will I settle? Perhaps I'm still blinded by the ignorance of youth.

    T's home and he doesn't look jubilant. I better go be social.