12.14.99

    Last night T. and I were discussing Christmas and the whole gift-giving/buying extravaganza. He seems to relish it whereas it makes me cringe. I get stressed about getting people the right gifts and also getting them before it's too late. There's nothing worse than figuring out the best thing to buy for someone and then when you get there they're all gone. Then you have to think up something new. However, that's not really what's stressing me out this year. T's Christmas list is stressing me out. It took me awhile to put my finger on what was bothering me but it's his list. See, in my family, we never had lists. Us kids would make a list for Santa but not for each other and my parents didn't make a list for us either. So, you really had to be a sleuth and try and decide what would be the best thing.

    T's family makes lists.

    I feel all this pressure to get everything on his list. I feel pressured to get stuff that is only on his list. So, while I don't have the stress of figuring out what it is that he wants, I also don't have the thrill of the hunt. And, every night, it seems, T. is cackling with glee over a new thing he has purchased for me. And, that gives me a sinking feeling that I'm not doing enough. Frankly, it stinks. But, what am I supposed to do? Next year, I think I'll make a few holiday shopping rules: no lists, only hints and a dollar limit. T. is anti-limits but I think I need them. First of all, I'd kill him if he got me something too expensive and second of all, I'd feel like a major cheapskate if I didn't buy him something that's equal in cost. It's not supposed to be this hard.