7.20.99

    I came home yesterday completely exhausted. The meds my doctor gave me for this nasty cold have not totally vanquished the beast and it's leaving me drained at the end of the day. That and the fact that my big, honking monitor is too close to my face and that the area of "my" cube is way too dark. My eyes get so tired over here. I try to remember to rest my eyes by focusing on something that's far away but that involves turning around since there's nothing on three sides of me except wall. I hope our new offices are brighter and that I get a better setup. I'll be really bummed if I don't.

    After taking a nap on the couch I reluctantly went and opened my email. More crap from Webgrrls. The president is pissed at me for being pissed and doesn't understand where I got the idea that I was no longer in charge and the site was being dismantled. Then the Freak-grrl who I'm having all the trouble with writes to tell me that since I'm in Oregon and she's in L.A. that she controls everything so I should just shut up and wave bye-bye. She also wanted to inform me that "everyone" supports her dumb-ass idea "100%" which just isn't true. A couple people have written me telling me that they support me but don't want to say so on the list which really does me no good. Once again, I stick my neck out and get no back up. This has happened to me all my life. I suppose I fight too hard for what I think is right. I guess I'm not a nice girl.

    Frankly, it's all bullshit. The reason why Freak-grrl doesn't want to discuss this onlist is because then maybe her idea wouldn't happen and maybe there would be dissent. If she doesn't discuss it then she can do whatever she wants because the president has told her as much. Whatever. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe.

    T. and I are both starting fitness journals. I want to start one so that I can keep track of goals and my diet and all those fun things that I never worried about five years ago. I want to be able to motivate myself to go to the gym and eat healthy and also be able to reward myself when I get it right. It's hard to reward yourself if you don't remember what you did. Besides, my goals usually end with a reward. Once I reward myself I stop. Which, isn't good. By the end of the year I want to be a stronger person physically and emotionally. I just have to figure out how to take the steps to get there.

    I think my biggest problem right now is lack of energy to get through the day. My hypotheses is that this is linked to diet and sleep. I would get enough sleep if I didn't wake up a million times in the night. T. wakes me up occasionally as does the cat. Sometimes I wake up for no explicable reason. Yesterday, T. woke me at 6:30 a.m. and made me go to the gym. I had had enough sleep that I was able to do it but not this morning. I could barely move this morning. I really wanted to get up but it just didn't happen.

    As for diet, I just need to make the time to cook. I need to not be so wiped out by the end of the day that I don't have the energy to eat much less cook. I need to prepare a lunch the night before so that I don't have to go to Burger King. I need to give myself enough time in the morning that I can eat a good breakfast. I need some cookbooks that have recipes for good meals that anyone can fix. I have your basic Betty Crocker and Joy of Cooking but I've tried just about everything that looks good in Betty's and Joy can be too taxing. You just won't find me grating orange peel for some dinner that I'll burn anyway. Feh.

    The cat woke us up with barfing last night. It was not a good sound. T. literally leapt into the air shouting, "Oh my god — what was that?!" Of course that freaked the cat out enough to hobble farther down the hall and barf again. We had to get up and clean it up and then I shut the cat out. I really don't want to wake up with barf on the bed.

    We've been feeding him this hairball stuff called Lax'aire which is supposed, I think, to give the hair ease of passage. It's a brown, gunky gel with cod liver oil in it. Oz loves it. We have no problem getting him to eat it and he'll beg for more each time. However, he's not barfing up hair now, just food. What are we supposed to do with this? Should we get him different food? Feed him Pepto? I just don't have a clue what to do. I guess we'll have to call the vet for some advice.

    In searching for some cat site that might give me some ideas of why our kitty is barfing I found this recipe in several places. It's so disgusting, I thought I would share. Maybe I'll make this tonight.

Chunky Cat Barf
1 lg Spaghetti Squash
8 ounces Cottage Cheese
16 ounces Mozzarella (grated)
8 ounces Parmesan (grated)
1 quart Spaghetti sauce (with/peppers)

Cook squash. Fork out insides into a giant casserole dish. Add cottage cheese, half of the mozzarella and Parmesan, sauce. Mix it until it looks like it's name. Top with remaining cheese. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes.

Is this even edible? Does it sound good to anyone?

    I think "chunky cat barf" just made it into my list of world's grossest phrases. A few others on the list include: "pasty white thighs", "greasy porkchops", and "oozing skin lesions." Any others you think I should include? (Yes, I am among the strange and unusual.)