I N T H E N I G H T K I T C H E N 6.20.2002
Growing Carrots T. and I have been trying to grow some vegetables. We started out with some healthy seedlings, kept indoors until they looked big enough to go outside. We had onions and broccoli and carrots and butternut squash. We planted them outside in April and within a week they were all dead. It was very sad. T. started some more seedlings but the energy just wasn't there. However, we planted the carrots in a container and when the weather got warmer we saw that the carrots were coming back. Also, his potted strawberries looked like they might do something as well. Our indoor herb pots also started to grow. I went and bought started broccoli and planted those: two in sunshine, two in shade. All four are going like gangbusters. And, it looks like the butternut seeds we planted in May are going to turn out quite nicely. And the carrots are huge! We have one out there that is ready to come out of the pot, maybe two. I dug down very gently in the dirt next to the leafiest one and took a gander at that carrot -- it looks wonderful. I think we'll eat it tonight. This morning, sometime between when T. got up to go jogging and when he returned, I dreamed about that carrot. I dreamed that it was white and that I was peeling it very slowly. Everytime I raised it to my mouth to take a bite I would see that I had missed a part that needed peeling. I would set it down and dutifully peel again, very slowly and carefully, making sure not to miss any bits. Sure enough, though, when I would raise it to my mouth I would see that I had missed something. It seems like it would have been frustrating but I just felt sad. My friend Chels called last night while I was making dinner (baked acorn squash stuffed with pears and apples). I picked up the phone and heard a shouting of voices and music and muffled sound. I said, "hello? hello?" and listened, puzzled. Finally, Chels gets on and shouts, "I'm on a road trip and we're listening to 'Forever in Blue Jeans' and everyone knows the words but me!" Ha! See, a long time ago, Chels and I suffered a public humiliation worse than death for two hams like us. At a karaoke bar for a bachelorette we got up with the bride-to-be to sing whatever song she had picked out hours before. We would not have got up to sing with her if everyone else had not declined but we're good friends like that. So we get up there and this godawful monotonous song comes up and the bride refuses to sing and Chels and I do our best and it was just a horrible caterwauling as we desperately tried to hear the tune and get the words and force the bride to open her mouth. The music kept getting louder and louder as they tried to drown us out. (Wait... I think I wrote about this... I did!) But, I digress. Chels used to be very into the I Ching. She may still be. Basically, you ask a question and then "throw a ching" using coins or some other device. What turns up (heads or tails) guides you to a reading in the book. But, the underlying premise is that you know all your own answers but for some reason you cannot see them or refuse to see them or are looking in the wrong direction. So, you read the reading and reflect on your question and you are guided to a conclusion. I think it's the same way that horoscopes often seem to work. Given a vague set of generalities you can form them into your own reality. Someone else takes the same reading and can form it into their own reality which may differ from yours in extreme ways. I feel that way about dream interpretation, too. That carrot dream can mean something to me and the feelings in that dream don't seem that different from what I've been feeling during my waking life. But, sometimes when I wake up from these dreams which seem to point squarely at problems I'm refusing to admit, I wonder if it's real or if I'm just twisting the horoscope into my own reality. 6.19.2002
Fresh strawberries, picked from your garden. You didn't even plant them; someone else did, years ago. Thanks -- they are delicious. 6.17.2002
In my continuing quest to get a good photo of a black cat, I present Oz, sitting under a reading lamp, nicely illuminated.  Isn't he a handsome little devil? + + + Things have been crazy-busy the last few weeks. I've had overlapping projects and have been struggling to keep everything together. I'm very worried about my ability to get my grad school application together... it seems I have limitless time but, of course, I do not. I haven't been able to focus on any of that for about a month but now I need to throw myself into it. New work notwithstanding, the lack of funds is really starting to grind me down. I need a job. Sadly, opening the classifieds causes a big, dark knot to form in my stomach. The kind of job I used to have just doesn't exist anymore. There are similar jobs but they are either low-paid, organ-grinder monkey jobs or low-paid, be-our-graphic-designer-system-administrator-copy-writer-marketing-whiz-java-programmer. And, naturally, competition for anything remotely appealing is fierce. I did send out a proposal today but it's somewhat small potatoes. I won't be surprised if they don't dicker down the price a bit, anyway. More later.... 
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