I N T H E N I G H T K I T C H E N
This Too Shall PassI wrote this to a friend today:
Things are up and down right now. I'm riding a real roller-coaster -- only the highs aren't that high and the lows are really low. I took on a crap job recently. A really, really, really crap job. The thing is, is that I'm pretty sure that on some level I'm punishing myself. For what, I'm not sure but it's there nonetheless. I'm trying to find something else to replace it but I'm not sure what that is. So, for the moment, I'm just plugging away, one day at a time and trying not to lose my mind. I can't say that I'm in a good place or that I'm a very fun person to be around right now but I'm okay. I'll survive. This too shall pass.
Which pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now and why I haven't written much lately. I think the trend will continue as I refuse to write about this crap job. As much as I write this journal for me, I draw the line here. I don't want this shit to be part of my life. I'm only barely facing it when I wake up in the morning. I cannot ponder it in any rational way and I surely cannot boil it all down in some writerly way for entertainment here.
I can't even write about the good stuff that is happening. T. and I went on a lovely hike this last weekend on Sauvie's Island. It was truly lovely, and a perfect day and so very peaceful. We saw cranes and fish leaping out of a lake. We lay in the sunshine and talked quietly and sweetly to each other. It was sublime.
However, when I sat down to write about it Sunday night, I just couldn't. While ignoring a big chunk of my life I don't feel like I can write about the other stuff. It feels wrong. It feels like lying. I don't want to lie about my life. My life doesn't feel pretty or good at the moment and only writing about the pretty and good things or just things different things just doesn't sit with me.
So, this is the state of the journal right now. When things start to change, you'll be hearing from me more. Thanks for being patient.
10:05 AM link
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