I N T H E N I G H T K I T C H E N 12.1.2000
Show me the money... please? Today, I need to fling off my hermitage and get outside and get stuff done. I need to go to the store and get batteries to send along with my little brother's birthday gifts. I need to then send those damn gifts. I also need to get over to the printer's and price some new business cards. I need to find my way to the unemployment office and see if I'm eligible. *sigh* I keep going back and forth on that. On the one hand, it seems like a hassle to be on unemployment, which it is. On the other hand, I feel like my company owes it to me. It's not fair that I accepted a job and then got booted for no fault of my own with nothing but two-weeks pay to tide me. Yep. Two weeks. Two weeks which has not yet arrived. I'm going to be calling people this afternoon if it doesn't come today. Fuckers. + + + Went out two nights ago with the former-former coworkers. I thought it was going to be a small gathering but it ended up being kind of a large group. I should have stayed home as nothing was sitting quite right with me. The kicker was sitting down first with Eric to share my good news -- they accepted my proposal -- and he chastised me about the money I was requesting. I know he didn't mean to hurt my feelings but he just put me off altogether. There was also a lot of ranting going on that evening and it made me somewhat tense and irritable. Of course, that's mostly due to the fact that I don't work there anymore but... I don't know, ranting gets tiresome. I stayed out way too late because Laurie was staying out but it turns out that she may have been staying out because I was. If we could have figured this out earlier, we all could have gone home and gotten some sleep. The remaining kids all wanted rides home and I relented. I finally dropped the last one off and got about ten blocks away when I ran out of gas. I had to call T. and wake him up and have him drive out with a gas can. I felt sick about having to do that and completely irresponsible. Add to that that we had to drive some distance to find an open gas station and it just was one helluva night. Bah. + + + The overall good news is that they did accept the proposal although they had a few changes and ended up expanding the project somewhat. So I redid the estimate and finished it up with a Schedule of Work. I just remembered that I neglected to tell them that we could make their initial deadline (I had waffled on the phone). I should send a follow-up. Anyway, I've very excited and should, hopefully, be getting a check this next week and will begin work. I'm crossing my fingers that this project will go absolutely swimmingly. 11.30.2000
11.29.2000
Where is my mind? I've been having some really vivid and not-very-fun dreams lately. Yesterday morning, I dreamed that my little brother was visiting. Only, he was about eight years old at the time. He had made me a sandwich and set it on my nightstand. I ate it without really looking. After awhile, I noticed that it tasted funny and when I looked at it, it was a big sandwich of soap. There was a large bar of soap in with the lettuce and ham and cheese. Guilt over forgetting to call him on his birthday? Probably. This morning I dreamed I was living in some sort of dorm/school situation and my roommate was this guy that I didn't recognize in my dream but, when I woke up, I realized it was my cube-mate from my last job. In my dream he was trying to kill me with an axe but kept getting foiled when people would walk in or move his axe or something. He kept telling me that he was going to cut me up in little pieces. For some reason I was sort of trapped, like a domestic-abuse situation in which I was sort of afraid to tell people and the ones that I did tell didn't really believe me. I think my mind is simultaneously bored and frantic right now. I sent off a proposal Monday evening to a potential client and I haven't heard back yet which is causing me some amount of anxiety. Yesterday, I did almost nothing all day. I got some important items scratched off my to-do list but there's more to be done. This is the worst part of freelancing, if you aren't doing anything then you're frantic. It can be exhausting. 11.27.2000
From Reuters: Dot-Com Layoffs Hit Record in November. Wow. I've never been part of a "hit record" before. Amazing. I feel important now. 11.26.2000
It's very dark in the house. Not a single light on. No sound but for the hum of the computer. I'm procrastinating. I'd like to write about the Karaoke bar we went to last night and how I pounded the legacy of Billy Idol into the dirt with a rendition of Dancin' With Myself but I've already wasted my procrastination time on reading journals and email and Salon. I need a shower. I need to pick up my glasses. I need to finish the proposal and estimate. I need... ... a cup of tea. Then I'll do those other things. 
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