3.3.99

10
reasons why I hate you
March 31st

    That is something to look forward to, isn't it? That was the message on a billboard that I passed on my way home from "work." I guess it's a movie. That must be what the date is about. Each letter was at least five feet high. It was in black and red and white. Quite a statement that billboard. If it is a movie and if that is the title I can't see any reason why I'd go see it. Why go just to find out why they hate me?

    It reminded me of some seasons ago on X-Files in which the cliffhanger episode had Mulder getting shot in the head. That's great. You killed the hero. Where is the suspense in that? I'm sure he's not really dead but at the moment how can I care? I saw him get shot. He's dead. Ho hum, guess I'll watch some Bev Hills reruns. What were they thinking?!

    Speaking of media... I can't seem to escape ads for this show on the WB called Felicity. Apparently there's a *very special* episode of it on tonight and they've been hyping it for an entire week or more. The funny thing is that the wording keeps changing. First it was "Noel will make a decision that will change his life forever", then it was "Noel will make a decision that he'll live to regret." And, I'm thinking, very few decisions I made in high school and college "changed my life forever" or are things that I regret. It's not that I didn't do stupid things or go down different paths then I thought I would it's just that... things that seem big at that time rarely are. So, I have to roll my eyes at that one. In regards to the character of Felicity, they changed the wording from something like "the heart is confusing" to "the heart will make you do things that you regret." Why all this emphasis on regret and what sort of marketing dodo is coming up with this inventive plan to up the tension throughout the week through subtle word play?

    I could do that. I bet it pays well.

    I bought some new CDs recently. I had intended to buy the Baz Luhrman CD but it was a whopping $18. I really just want the single but they either didn't have it or Baz hasn't made one for the spoken word track. I couldn't even find out if such a single exists because the Tower computers were "down." Whatever. I ended up buying Fat Boy Slim for $14 and James Taylor Greatest Hits for $8. I once had Taylor on tape but I can't find it. It's the closest I get to liking anything folk or country and eight bucks seems like a pretty good price.

    I first heard Fire and rain in the credits of Running on Empty. I wondered for a long time who the artist was and one day, sitting on the floor of my best friend's house in Columbus, Mississippi, it came on the radio. When I told Jessica how much I liked the song she pulled out the tape.

    Jessica was a really amazing person. I was only friends with her for a year but relationships move fast when you're a military brat. I'd been in Columbus for two years when I transferred to the private school my sophomore year in high school. She was just one of those people who glowed. She drew in everybody around. I knew a couple people at the school who had transferred from the public school at the same time as me but I didn't have anything in common with them. After about two weeks of tagging along I found myself alone. At some point I ended up talking with Jes in the lunch room. Because she seemed to know everybody I asked her how long she'd been going to school there. She was brand new!

    We became really good friends and belonged to the crowd of weirdos. Those were some of the best people I'd ever known. Shy boys and artistic girls. A band. A farm. Lots of crazy nights. Music. A yellow Karmann Ghia. I moved away at that time when everything changes.

    People started trying drugs, experimenting with drunkenness, getting involved with bad people. Jessica found an abusive boyfriend, fought with her parents and moved into a trailer park. IV (just initials) went to college and joined a frat and maybe dropped out or sold drugs and got kicked out. Bryant and Marsh packed up their band and moved it several times. They had talent, I know. Ryan when to an Indian reservation and dropped acid and smoked peyote and became a shadow of himself. Boner may have done things with his life that none of us could fathom, remarkable things.

    Jessica was much more talented than me. She was a straight-A student. Beautiful. Sweet. Passionate. I wonder what happened to her. Last I heard it all sounded really lame. Maybe you can do things in high school that you'll always regret.