6.30.98

    This morning I found five dollars. It was just lying next to the curb, crumpled up and lonely. I gave it a new home. I'm thinking that maybe this is a good omen, some sort of portent of happiness to come.

    *she looks left*
    *she looks right*
    *she glances over her shoulder*

    Nothing yet.

    Yesterday, I was in such a grand funk. After swing dancing T. and I made the huge mistake of going to Taco Hell to satisfy extreme hunger pains. We are not kids anymore and I think it was the food that made us have heavy dreams all night. So, Monday, I felt hung-over, nauseated and that entry was really hard to write. Right now I am noticing that all my dates are screwed up so I'm trying to rectify that. When I went through and changed the background I found all sorts of links that didn't work. Annoying. If you notice me doing stupid stuff maybe you could email me. I have been cutting corners and it shows.

    But, I digress. I ended up leaving work early yesterday, as I was feeling tired and ill. T. found me lying in bed, groggy and tearful about the upcoming wedding. I'm just not having any fun planning this thing anymore. I'm not losing the weight that I wanted to and we still have to work through a million details. Some of those details are ones in which I'm tired of trying to make T. face them and I need, in fact, for somebody to make me face them. Little things like plane tickets to the wedding and back. Small, inconsequential items like, oh, the wedding rings. Itty bitty, nearly unnoticeable tasks like buying gifts for the people that are doing so much work in getting T. and I off to a wonderful start in our married life. Oh, and I'm also looking for a noose... or perhaps a silver revolver... or a hitman. If you know where I could find one....

    You didn't hear me say that, okay?

    So, in addition to all that I'm spinning my wheels in my day-to-day life. So, what does T. do? He pries me out of the fetal position and drags me to California Pizza Kitchen like a cat on the way to the vet (claws out, all four legs braced). We had this coupon and I nearly burst into tears when we found out it had expired. I was not in a good way at all last night.

    On an upnote, we finished nearly all of the invitations and T. send out a good hundred or so today. We watched the Ice Storm with Sigourney Weaver, Christina Ricci, Kevin Kline and a grown up Elijah Woods. It was a really good movie. I have no idea if it encapsulated the 70s or not but it sure did a hearty portrayal of people out of touch with themselves and each other. I told T. that I sincerely hope we never become a couple who can't talk to one another. I think that our relationship won't change that much after we are married. I don't see why it would. The most difficult thing in a relationship is to allow the other person to change. You have to accept that many things change over time; the trick is to roll with the punches.