1.24.98

So, my honey and I went to IKEA® to browse the other day. He's a big fan of the store and I felt that one of the things I had to do here in LA was go to IKEA®. Experience IKEA®. Be amazed.

So I did and I was.

My first exposure to IKEA® was quite remote - through Copeland's book Microserf's. A good book to read on the plane or a sunny afternoon. Anyway, he talks about how you know you're in a techy's house because of all the IKEA® furniture. Hmmmm... how very interesting.

So, darling and I are living with some friends and preparing to move to an apartment. These friends have lots of IKEA® stuff. Everyone living in this house (there's four) can be considered to some degree as techy. Well, to quite a lesser degree, Ed. But, he seems to love IKEA® quite a bit.

IKEA® is basically a gigantic warehouse-sized building with all sorts of hip-looking furniture at reasonable prices. I suspect that it is so reasonable because it is lots of particle-board and cheap manufacturing. But, who cares with hip at stake?

So, he and I went to browse and dream and quiz each other on style. We can barely afford to eat let alone buy furniture.

The layout of the store is very interesting. It's like a ride at Disneyland.

The entrance is on the top of four stories. You ride this immense escalator to the top while a booming automated voice tells you all the wonders to expect once you're inside. It also explains IKEA® symbols and etiquette. I felt that it should warn those who suffer from back or heart trouble or currently experiencing a degree of pregnancy to turn back now. But, it didn't.

Once inside you must follow this path all around the store. That way you get to see absolutely everything. God forbid you should want something on the first floor - you'd need to go through the whole thing.

First, it starts with the living room setups.

Doesn't everybody love those? Little model living rooms set up with cardboard televisions and framed postcards on the cubicle-style walls. Sort of reminds me of the lego sets I had that featured little homes with the larger-than-usual modular people. You had the blue square piece with all the little nubbies in which to build a couch and kitchen upon. And then the green square piece for the yard. My favorite were the potted plants with the little, tiny, plastic flowers.

Next is kitchens.

Chrome seems to be popular. I suppose because it's cheaper than, say, oak or marble, but looks clean and space-age. I don't care much for chrome. It seems once you go chrome you're kind of stuck. It's like deco or glass - you're really just stuck with it as a primary design element. Yes, the boy likes chrome. He thinks we should have the kitchen or the bathroom done entirely in chrome accents. Seems a little surgical to me. I don't think I dig it.

And then, of course, home offices.

Now, this is where I felt things really got surreal. Here are these massive desk displays, sectioned off by area rugs. There are lamps and pencil holders and ergonomic chairs with extra-lumbar support and a few carboard computers. But, mingling in with the desks were real offices. There was a lady furiously typing at what appeared to be a real computer but.... Is she an employee? Can I type somewhere? Surf the Internet and be on display? And more people semi-at work. There were a few desks with pencil holders and neat stacks of papers and computer's humming. Mousepads. But, I couldn't tell if it was all just a decoy - "Check out our REAL LIFE displays on Floor 2".

Kind of reminds me of this really nice neighborhood, gated community, my parents used to live in in San Antonio. It was the quietest neighborhood ever. Too quiet. Every time I would walk the dog I would look for people and there were rarely any. Whenever I did come across people it seemed so awkward. The lawns were always immaculate and the driveways seemed oil-spot-free. I felt like maybe my parents were the "test family" and it was all an elaborate ruse. I'd walk the dog and some guy with binoculars is going, "Cue the jogger" and then someone would jog by. "Cue the Maroon Lexus.... No, no, not the blue one - that one went by ten minutes ago!" "Cue the teen roller-bladers."