OF SPEAKING WELL
I got the most wonderful message in my fortune cookie today. It said, "Someone is speaking well of you." It gave me a good feeling. I'm not one of those people who worries over-much about whether others like them or not but the thought that others might speak well of me does warm the heart. It's especially comforting since I think I've been walking a fine line at work.
I guess I'm one of those people who can't leave well enough alone. If I see a need for improvement or change then I call it. If I have to put my neck on the line for what I think is right then I will. Of course, that sometimes mean that I get my head chopped off. And then, there's nothing like salt in the wounds than to have the whispering supporters. You know the ones, they support you but only in whispers when no one else is nearby and then promise you to secrecy. Thankfully, in the work situation there were no whispering supporters but rather loud encouragers. Now, the thin ice is whether I can proceed into this territory without stepping on toes or irritating those who have done a good job up till this point. I am, after all, the new kid.
Yesterday, I cleared out some boxes so that a friend of mine could use them for her move. If you recall, my parents lovingly dropped off my "childhood things" for me to love and cherish forever. Well, there's only two more boxes to go and piles of crap everywhere. I found out that a ten piece, Coke bottle collection that belonged to one or both of my brothers has now been attributed to me and that I have five more dolls to deal with. I also found a stack of photos from my high school days and earlier. They were a real random assortment spanning different grades and places and haircuts. Some of them I'm in and some I'm not. The ones with me in it really hit me hard. I kept staring at myself in the photos and trying to remember exactly what I was feeling and seeing at the time.
It bothers me how much I'm forgetting. It's not just names but it's experiences. I can't remember what happened before some of these pictures were taken, or who took them or why. Several of them were with my best friend from Columbus, MS, Sandra. I wish I could remember more things with her. Everything has become a more encompassing larger picture with the details missing. I remember she and I in the eighth grade laughing on the bus ride home about the male anatomy. I even remember a particular joke and it still makes me laugh a little but I can't remember my feelings at the time. Trying to recapture the feeling of being me at 14 awkward, shy, easily-embarrassed, frustrated. I can say that that is what I was feeling but I can't really feel it, experience it.
The more I looked at those pictures the more I could feel a twinge of what it used to be like. It frightened me a little. Growing up is so hard. And, as a military kid, I lost so many friends. I wonder where some of these people are and if they remember me. I wonder if my memory of them does them justice. Maybe one of those people in one of those pictures is looking through photos these days. They've got a different angle on the situation. They've got a different photo. Maybe one of them is speaking well of me. Most likely, they're wondering who I am in their pictures and where they met me.
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