T. is here and we have lots to do. Going this morning to try on the dress and veil. The whole shebang, yessiree. We have to get our marriage licenses, too.

    A funny thing: I woke up to that oldies song playing on the radio: ~/~Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get married...~/~

    High Noon.

    Well, got the dress tried on with the veil and some shoes that are nearly the equivalent of the ones I ordered from Kinney Shoes. It looks pretty good although there was a moment. A moment that I can still feel hanging there when I nearly threw what I can only adequately describe as a Bridal Snit-Fit. Although, I would have had justification.

    I put the dress on and got the petticoat on underneath (no small task) and looked in the mirror. Something was vastly wrong. The skirt trailed on the ground and then slightly turned up toward the front and then, starting where my legs are, dramatically turned up. Maybe "turned up" isn't the right word but basically in the front there was a clear four inches from the bottom of the skirt to the floor. It looked wrong and dumb.

    So, I said to my mom, "Does that look a little weird to you?" And she replied that it certainly did. Now, keep in mind, this is in front of Roxene who's been jerking me around and also in front of the seamstress who, as it turns out, had only just finished with the changes we outlined over four months ago.

    So, Roxene and the seamstress walk around me going, "Hmmmm..." and "Hmmmm..." and fluffing my skirt and looking quizzically at the hemline. Finally, Roxene says, "I really think it looks fine." The seamstress chimes in with, "That's exactly where we put it when we fitted you."

    I looked at my mom who gave me a very strange look that indicates she thinks these people are complete loser hacks who are about to get a serious tongue-lashing. However, my mom has tons of tact, she oozes politeness but is not inclined to take things lying down. If necessary, she will kick ass. "I think the hem is too high in front," she said demurely.

    "Really?" Roxene asks again.

    Right when she said "Really" I was at the bursting point of possibly screaming, "Fix iiiiiiit!" and shaking her violently. Lucky for her she suggested we try another petticoat.

    The second petticoat made the skirt look like a sack and the third was the charm. It would work and Rox would live yet another day.

    The veil looked much better when I was wearing a wedding dress. I nearly cried when I tried it on on Monday. There was no way I was going to get away without wearing a veil but when I tried it on I just looked like a dork. I couldn't believe how utterly retarded the veil looked. But, things looked better with the whole ensemble. I think.

    T. tried on his tux to make sure everything fit and he looked so darn adorable. It's your basic gray morning-coat with grey and black striped pants. He looked just like a penguin.

    After all of that craziness we went over and got our marriage license which was pretty fun. When we got up to the marriage license office I reached down without looking to my purse to pull out my ID card. I felt something flutter in my hand. I looked down and there was the biggest damn hornet I have ever seen. It's body was nearly two inches long. I yelped and asked loudly if anyone in the office had some tissue. Then I began shaking my bag trying to the the thing to come off. I very nearly started pounding my purse on the floor. Finally, it was off the purse and stunned on the floor. I stepped on it and T. picked it up with a kleenex.

    That thing that really bugged me (no pun, no pun) was that everybody in the office kind of gave me a weird look without really doing anything to help or acknowledge what was going on. Wake up! I've got a hornet here, people! Look lively, for Pete's sake!

    What an annoyance a hornet sting could have been that week. "If you'll place the ring in the bride's swollen hand..."