12.24.98

8:01 a.m.

    Happy Christmas Eve from sunny, southern California! There's frost on the ground right now. I can't believe it. Don't come to southern California because when it's not raining or freezing it's 110 degrees. When I got here in January (oh my, it's almost been a year) it rained for three or four months straight. I left Oregon for this? Right now, with the sun up, it's 37 degrees outside. Granted, I've been in much, much colder weather than this but this is legitimate cold. Californians are a pack of liars, I tell you, liars.

    I finished my shopping last night. Granted, with a loan from T. I didn't want to do that but it's not as though I won't have the money in a few days. It's just that right now it's tight. Anyway, I got him some great presents that I hope he'll like.

    The actual mall wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be. Traffic was hellish and I had a horrible migraine but I managed to get out alive. I get one or two migraine headaches per month. I'm sure it's related to hormones or something. The intensity of the migraine varies and I've only had one where I was seeing halos around lights and feeling nauseated. Usually, though, I get a severely throbbing pain centered on my right temple. When I was driving last night the headlights of oncoming cars were especially painful. I probably shouldn't have been out at all.

12:34 p.m.

    I feel as though I've seen a lot of death in L.A. There was the guy who blew his brains out on the highway. I saw a bicyclist lying in the road a few months back, perhaps a victim of a hit and run, and the police were just sort of standing there and looking at him. I don't know but it looked as though he were dead. Today, I passed by an awful accident scene. The firetrucks were arriving right about the time I came upon it. It was on Pico near Beverwil, almost directly in front of Fox Studios. There were three cars. One was pulled off to the side missing a front bumper. One was a four door sedan in the center lane and the other was a red Jeep Cherokee or Range Rover and this was on top of the sedan.

    There was glass and car parts everywhere. I couldn't tell if anyone was in the crushed car (there had to be) but there was a guy in the top car. He looked about in his mid-fifties. He was partially leaning out the drivers side window and he had a bad gash on his forehead. He wasn't moving.

    I just got chills writing that. I think I'm very frightened I'm going to die in a car crash here in L.A. That's my first death fear. The other is that I'll get hit by random gunfire. Really awful auto accidents and innocents caught up in urban chaos seem to be pretty consistent themes for most cities. Luckily, my fears aren't paralyzing. If I thought about all the awful things that could happen to me out there I'd never leave my bed. But then, I'd have spontaneous combustion to think about.

    That's what happens in cities, isn't it? You put all these people together and they spontaneously combust. Road rage. Drive by shootings. Muggings. Thievery. It's such crazy world we live in every day with our neighbors and our friends and instead of trying to make sense of it everybody is fighting.

    And in the back of my mind I keep thinking, "and it's Christmas." As if we are immune from tragedy on Christmas. As if Death actually does take a holiday.

    Wow. Could I be more of a wanker on Christmas eve?

    Have a safe and very, very Merry Christmas everybody. If you're not of the Christmas ilk then have a wonderful Friday!