8.13.98

    Is it only Thursday?

    I've been having panic attacks. I think the big problem I'm having right now is that I think there were things that I was supposed to have done before I got married. I think I was supposed to have a career and a dog. Yeah, I think I was definitely supposed to be the owner of a pet. There are other things which I think I was supposed to have done but either I don't remember them or I don't want to have another panic attack by listing them here. You decide.

    The problem is that these panic attacks happen right when I should be falling asleep. It's not healthy and it's making me very tired. I almost felt like taking some Nyquil last night just so I would have no choice but to fall asleep. However, that would have made the morning almost unbearable so I decided to just try to calm down. Doesn't the bride get muscle relaxants? Since my life is a madcap comedy I think I need muscle relaxants. That way I could drool charmingly into my bouquet.

    That reminds me... my parent's anniversary was on the first of this month. I found this card that had this picture of an older couple sitting on a couch. Actually, the man was lying down with his head in her lap and she was stroking his forehead and smiling endearingly at him. The front said, "It's amazing, honey." And, the inside said:

    I thought it was just so funny. T. gave me a weird look when I showed it to him and would neither confirm nor deny whether he thought my parents would laugh. My Mom laughed but I don't know what my Dad thought. Actually, I haven't spoken to my Dad since the card. Maybe that's a bad thing. I think my Dad actually has a pretty good sense of humor. He laughed at the card I sent him for his birthday last year. It had a cartoon picture on the front of a mime flipping the bird. The inside said something like:

    I've decided to dedicate this entry to "Things Which Turn Me to Putty," inspired by Shelleyness (specifically this entry from October of '97). Shelley is a journal writer living in L.A., well, Long Beach to be exact and her journal is entertaining, full of life and often makes me laugh pretty hard. She made a list of 50 things that turn her to putty. At the end of her entry she wrote:

"I feel a lot more centered about M right now. It's good to think of all those ways that I'm thankful for having and loving him."

    It is good to think of all those things and so that's what I'm going to do. If this is too sappy for you maybe you should cruise my meager archives for entries more... uh... cynical. They're there.